Light your Jingle Bells because Mariah Carey has just declared Christmas music season

You heard the queen bee about Christmas! Halloween is over except for the food, which means that the Christmas music SZN has started. Don’t get me wrong, I still # RE2PECT the bird and all the glory that Thanksgiving offers. But as long as we live in this weird corona world where things are not entirely normal, we inject our brains with this top notch musical dopamine to get us through the tough times.

If / when life goes back to normal after we banish this big viral asshole from our lives, we can play Christmas music again the day after Thanksgiving, just like Jesus intended when He was born in this manger over 2000 years ago. Until then, we’ll rock with Mariah as soon as this tweet, planned by an intern at Sony, is released at midnight on All Saints Eve, as Mariah is the official authority on the matter while Saint Nick remains silent on this extremely important matter in the Great White North

NOW HIT THE MUTTERFICKEN MUSIC!

I do not accept newer, remixed versions.

PS No disrespect to Mariah, but “All I Want For Christmas Is You” is the only Christmas song that can and should be played 365 days a year. 366 if it’s a leap year. This shit pops all year round and it’s the only song bigger than vacation. Not only that, but it actually sounds best when combined with the glorious weather and mood of summer on the other side of the calendar. Try it between Memorial Day and Labor Day next year and then get in touch with me. Satisfaction guaranteed.

Giphy images.

About Cindy Johnson

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